Five things I wish had happened before I reached rock bottom with my Eating Disorder.
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Reflecting on her recovery, Alix Walker, an Eating Disorder and Body Dysmorphia Specialist shares the five things she wishes had happened earlier in her eating disorder journey - lessons she hopes will help others feel seen and supported sooner.
When I look back at the journey I had with my eating disorder, I can see so many moments where things could have gone differently, if only the right support, understanding, or words had been there. It’s taken a lot of reflection (and recovery) to recognise those points with compassion rather than blame. I don’t believe in regret, but I do believe in learning from the past and helping others avoid some of the same pain.
Here are the five things I wish had happened before I reached rock bottom:
1. Someone had noticed the signs sooner
The signs were there long before I or anyone else, named what was happening. I’d become more withdrawn, anxious around food, obsessed with exercise, and emotionally volatile. I remember people making small comments like “You’ve got so much willpower” or “You look amazing” and each one fed the eating disorder rather than challenged it.
I wish someone had seen through those surface behaviours and recognised them as distress signals. Not control, not discipline, but fear. If someone had gently asked, “Are you okay? You don’t seem yourself,” instead of praising what they thought was “healthy,” it might have opened a door earlier. I saw countless doctors and nothing.
That’s why I now talk so much about awareness. Eating disorders rarely start overnight; they creep in quietly, disguised as “good habits” or “being in control.” Early recognition, by friends, family, teachers, or colleagues or doctors can change everything.
2. I’d been offered eating disorder support without shame
When I finally did reach out for help, I was met with mixed responses, some kind, others judgmental. I remember the unspoken message that I had somehow chosen this, or that I wasn’t “sick enough” to deserve help. Shame kept me trapped for a long time.
I wish I’d been met with compassion instead of confusion. With curiosity instead of criticism. Support without shame means being seen as a whole person, not just a set of symptoms or a number on a scale or where I am at on the stupid and outdated BMI. It means being asked “What’s hurting?” rather than “Why can’t you just eat?”
If I’d felt safe enough to talk earlier, I might not have needed to hit rock bottom before starting to climb back up.
3. I’d learnt healthy coping tools earlier
For years, food and control were my only coping mechanisms. I didn’t know how to soothe myself without punishing my body. Emotions felt huge and overwhelming so I did everything I could to numb them or channel them into something I thought I could “manage.”
If someone had taught me early on how to regulate my emotions, how to sit with discomfort, and how to express what I was feeling without turning it inward, I think things could have been very different. Learning healthy coping tools was a huge part of my recovery.
4. Someone had told me what eating disorder recovery actually looks like
When I first heard the word recovery, I thought it meant simply “eating normally again.” I had no idea that recovery would involve so much unlearning, grieving, and rebuilding. I wish someone had told me that it’s messy. That you don’t wake up one day “fixed.” I wish someone had told me what extreme hunger was, I wish someone would have just told me recovery was possible and my eating disorder was not a life sentence.
Recovery meant facing fears daily, tolerating huge uncertainty, and learning to exist without the false comfort of the eating disorder. It meant crying over meals, feeling utterly lost without rules, and questioning who I was underneath it all.
But it also meant finding freedom, connection, laughter, and a sense of peace I never thought possible. I wish someone had said, “It’s going to be hard, but it will be worth it and you will come home to yourself.”
That’s what recovery actually looks like. Not linear. Not perfect. But real (and messy).
5. I’d been kinder to myself
If I could go back and talk to my younger self, I think I’d just give her a hug and tell her she’s doing her best. I’d remind her that her worth was never tied to her body, her food choices, or her productivity. I’d tell her that being kind to herself doesn’t mean being lazy, it means being human.
Self-kindness still doesn’t always come naturally, but it’s the foundation that keeps me steady now.
If you’re reading this and you see yourself in any of it, please know this: you don’t have to wait until rock bottom to ask for help. You deserve support now. You deserve to be seen, understood, and treated with kindness.
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